How do you say what you mean?

On my flight to San Francisco, when I was stuck without Internet, I started trolling my computer and found this AIM conversation between Troy and me from March 17, 2005. He was getting ready to graduate with a degree in journalism (I was supposed to graduate, too, but studying abroad for so long delayed me a semester), and we were buzzing along together in the height of our intellectual (and so clearly complicated and abstract) collegiate endeavors.

He died on June 23, 2006.

I’m really glad I saved this conversation.

Troy: i can't believe all this nick drake stuff is from late 60s and early 70s.
Addie: seriously?
A: gez...it never ceases to amaze me as to how much ground i still have to make up in the music world
T: yeah, it's etc.
12:20 AM
T: you can never say or know everything about anything.
A: tis is true
T: that is a general semantics fact.
A: but you can know more than average about something
A: looking into the things that interest you
T: whats average?
A: but that's such a sociological point...people think they're so fucking cool because they can quote every hemingway or hunter thomspon or the killers or you name the hot item of the moment
T: as long as they like it. then it probably is pretty fucking cool.
A: i guess by average i mean the basic definition of one thing.....you say fitzgerald, i say gatsby, you say franzen i say the corrections
A: who's they
T: i don't know you're the one who said it.
12:25 AM
A: wait, i don't think i said they
T: i have to go to sleep. nick drake is making me sleepy.
T: you said "people".
T: WHATever.
A: right, the rest of them
A: it's never ending
T: our language is self reflexive, so there's always another layer of abstraction that can be added. another picture of a picture of a picture.
A: oh jesus...i think we could go for hours on that
T: an abstraction of an abstraction
T: thats the point.
A: it's like modern art
T: we could go on for hours about anything and have not said everything.
T: or anything, for that matter.
A: jesus....it's like defining to be. it never works. but its fun to try
T: our language was created by people who thought the world was static and basically the same.
A: such fools
T: now we're stuck with a language that can't describe reality
A: but it's the closest thing we have, right?
T: which is really a process of continuous change.
T: well, we can start by throwing out the to be verbs.
A: right, but language is change, people is change, community is change...
A: as long as it is all changing, why not go with it
T: i don't get it. go with what? things arent changing. change is thinging. (sic)
A: the changes....good means bad, cool means weird...girl means boy....what was once totally right, now means wrong....what once seemed logical now seems strange...people once loved beef and now they think it's crazy
T: hahahaa.
12:30 AM
A: they loved milk and now reject it
T: they're all thinging.
A: people have lived off carbs for thousands of years and now it's wrong. who says that? i mean honestly
A: thinging...since when was that a verb???
T: it's so funny.
A: the cliche is that things are always changing, but you can't really reject that.
it comes in circles
T: what i reject is our language as a way to describe what's in my head. it simply doesn't work.
A: so what's the solution
T: i'm restricted to these silly words like silly.
A: hahaha
T: i'm living in a prison of culture.
A: but you can make these words mean what you mean
A: you can make "reasonable" mean what you want it to
T: i will leave you with this nick drake song.

A: and i'll leave you with that idea that the people who really understand you understand what you mean by the words you say...not what the dictionary defines them as, but what you mean them
T: but you will not understand what i mean because they mean different things in different contexts.
A: and each day it changes and i can only take a survey
T: i cannot transfer my thoughts to you. simply cannot be done.
A: i agree.
A: unfortunately
A: but that's the way life is...you cant' dwell on this as a miscommunication
⋯
12:35 AM
T: something must be done.