Prepare to be horrified

Oh, gez, check this out -- I found this image of me on What Not to Wear with straight hair. If you look closely, you should be able to see my red, tear-stained face, the result of crying off camera for 20 minutes after catching a glimpse of my new 'do.

More than six months later, I still cringe at the image.



For those of you who haven't seen the episode, what do you think?

P.S. We'd gotten a call this week from the show; they wanted to ask a few questions in preparation for a follow-up episode they were going to shoot at the end of the month. Told them about the food job, my new style, etc. etc. and thought it was a signed deal, but we got a message today saying they regretted to tell us that they weren't going to come to Austin this time around. Too bad, I say. They don't get to see my new kick ass teal heels.

What Not to Wear? Straight hair

After another long day in the "What Not to Wear" studios, I'm finally back in my very chic hotel, and I have most of my goods I bought this week with me (and some even on my body!). I have a suitcase full of super cute things and a hanging bag full of quite nice pieces. And don't forget the boxes and shoes and other things they are going to have to ship to me next week!

I finished shopping yesterday, so today was hair and makeup and the final "reveals" to hosts Stacy London and Clinton Kelly. Let's just say they were quite impressed. One of the most dramatic changes they've made on the show, they said, though I guess they could be lying. We covered the rock 'n' roll look, the work look and the casual cute look, and you're going to have to wait for the show to see exactly what I mean by those!

All you get to see now are a pair of my really cute new shoes, mine are the top pair, along with Stacy and Clinton's shoes (I have a thing about taking pictures of my feet wherever I go) to prove I really was with those two this week...



The main changes I underwent today were for hair and makeup. Nick, the hair stylist, and Carmindy, the makeup artist, have been with the show since the beginning and are probably as well known as the hosts. Nick has a studio in New York, where he charges $500 for a haircut! Carmindy splits her time between New York and Miami and just created her own line of makeup, which will soon be in drugstores across the country.



I met Nick for a second on Wednesday for a consultation, and he was first this morning. After some foil and highlighting, then came some overall coloring, the outcome of which I wasn't really expecting. Then came the scissors, which I knew was coming. You're going to have to wait until after my reveal to find out exactly what he did, but it was OK at first.

I mean, honestly, no one really knows what the hell they are doing with curly hair unless it is there own curly hair. One of the big themes of the haircutting part of the show was that I cut my own hair now, which neither the hosts nor Nick were really impressed with. I tried to explain that it was because everywhere I go, the stylist cuts my hair as if it were straight, which it clearly is not. So a few years ago, I got tired of wasting my money on mediocre (at best) cuts. I won't claim that I was doing the best job, but I was certainly doing better than some of the stylists I had been to. Plus, the thing about curly hair is that you don't have to cut it perfectly because the curls hide the imperfections. Anyway, let's just say if I'd spent $500 on a haircut from Nick, I'd be asking for my money back (sorry, Nick, if you read this!).

But here I was, in front of three cameras and the stylist himself, so I grinned and bared it, thinking the whole time, "Well, it'll be better when I can get my own hands on it." But at least he didn't straighten it, right? Oh, just wait.

Carmindy, who is an absolute delight, hooked me up with a killer makeup job, and she even gave me about $100 worth of it because she's getting ready to launch this new line and had some extra supplies. I was elated after my experience with her. I really think she's one of the most down-to-Earth people on the whole show.

So, after makeup came the section of the show were I put on three different outfits (NOT chosen by me, which was a surprise) to show to Stacy and Clinton. Thing is, Stacy and Clinton pick out the outfits for me to wear! They did a pretty good job of putting together a nice array of my wardrobe, but halfway through the reveal section comes a hair stylist with a blow dryer and a big round brush, every curly-headed person's worst nightmare. And away he goes. I tried to keep my chin up, but I knew, just knew what was happening, and I didn't like it one bit.

But the whole point of the show is trying out news things and being open to change, so I roughed it out. They didn't let me look at myself in the mirror, but I felt it on my head. They'd flattened my signature curls into something I knew I wouldn't even recognize. I peaked in my reflection in a glass window, and that's when the tears came. I'd made it so far on the show without crying! But I couldn't help it. They'd taken what I spent two decades struggling so hard to accept, through all the horrible nicknames like "Mop 'n' Glo" and "Afro Sheen," and turned it into what I'd always wanted -- perfectly coiffed, straight-as-a-board hair. But it looked like an awful wig on me. I felt like I'd been stripped of me, the me they were trying to help me get in touch with with all these new clothes. I tried to will the tears away, but they wouldn't stop. I tried to convince myself that it wasn't permanent and that it was just a stupid television show and that I could wash the straight right out of my hair as soon as I got home.

The series producer happened to be there, and he pulled me aside and told me they'd do whatever I wanted to do. If I wanted to go back to curly, they'd do it. But I wanted to really see if Stacy and Clinton were worth their fashion salt, so I went to them with a pleading look in my eyes. "What do you think?" I asked. They knew. They saw right away what I was talking about. Stacy sat me down in the couch in her office and listened to my whole schpeal about the struggle to embrace my hair as it was. She was willing to let me do whatever I wanted, but she wanted me to at least think about doing a single outfit with straight hair and facing this demon in front of the camera. To show that curly hair, mine or anybody else's, doesn't have to be as limiting as it might feel sometimes. To show that curly-haired people, too, have options just like the straight-haired "normal" folks I envied as a younger person.

It sounds menial to go on and on as I have about this incident today with my hair, but it's about more than that. It's about identity. My curly hair is as much apart of who I am as my outgoing personality or my silly, bad jokes. It's as playful as me and reminds me of the crazy curly genes passed through each member of my family. It is a single item that represents my struggle to fit in as an adolescent female. As I stood there in all these fancy clothes and fancy shoes in a fancy studio in a fancy town, my heart was breaking at the thought of taking those curls away. On freaking national television, mind you.

But then I realized that maybe I was being given my chance to get what I'd been asking for during all those self-conscious years. The straight hair I'd always wanted, which, now that I had it, I loathed with every ounce of my being. I told them I'd go on camera with it straight if I could have it curly for the last reveal. They said yes. I dried my eyes, and they retouched my makeup. I walked on that set with as much confidence as I could muster, but I felt like that awkward, nervous junior high schooler again, just in better clothes. I hadn't wanted straight hair in a long, long time, and now I never, ever, ever will again. Careful what you wish for, you might actually get it. On freaking national television, so everyone can see.

I write this with just a few hours until my flight back to Austin. I got my curls -- and my emboldened confidence -- back for the last reveal and now for the engagement party tomorrow night. Now, the only tears I will shed will be of sheer happiness to see my fiance, my baby and my family members, who've driven down from Missouri for the big night. I can't wait.

How to spend $5,000 in two days

Whew! Two days of shopping and $5,000 later, and I have nothing to show for it! The What Not to Wear folks won't let me wear any of my stuff for at least another day, so it's back to the drab, worn-out, plain Jane stuff I brought. I didn't bring very many clothes, mainly because they didn't leave me that much when they raided my closet a few weeks ago, and I am so tired of what's in my suitcase! Tomorrow is my last day in the studio (and my last day in New York :(), and I don't have a clue what I'm going to wear!

So, today: Hosts Stacy London and Clinton Kelly shopped with me for awhile and gave a thumbs up or thumbs down on what I bought yesterday. I ended up having to return about $500 worth of stuff that just didn't please them like I thought, but in general, I did a pretty good job. Better than "contributers" usually do, they told me. Stacy and Clinton helped me pick out an incredible engagement dress that I'm just dying to show off. I think the happiest moment of my day was when one of Clinton's hair/makeup guys walked past me and had to do a double take. "Honey, you look hot!" he said. It feels good to take people off guard like that.

How's this for fashion reality TV coincidence? While we were at H&M (again) today, we ran into Chris, one of the designers on this season's Project Runway! Let's just hope tonight's not the night he gets cut on the show! (Don't worry, he didn't reveal any details about the show, but as of last week, he was still in.) Chris was a really nice guy, and you could definitely tell he was getting a little tired of the constant recognition on the streets and in the stores. After we chatted with him and cheesily asked for our photos, Sandra, my What Not to Wear assistant, told me to get used to getting recognized from the show. I wonder if that'll actually happen, and if it does, how I'll react to it. Chris didn't seem too impressed that I was going to be on a fashion reality show, just like him. Oh, well. I really like his designs and hope he does well on the program.

Tomorrow's my last day in New York, and though I absolutely love visiting here, I'm really starting to miss Austin. Not just Ian and Julian, but the people, their attitudes, the laid-back way of going about life. And for God's sake, the MUSIC!

The first day I shopped, I heard ABBA's "Dancing Queen" TWICE at TWO different stores! I laughed out loud when I heard it the first time and almost had to leave the second store when it followed us there. At another store I was at yesterday, I heard one honky tonk song, and I just knew they were playing it in that sort of ironic hipster sort of way. When I tried to explain how awesome the song was to the What Not to Wear crew that was with me, they all looked at me with these blank stares. Even though every single one of them was wearing boots, they just didn't get it. I have the privilege of listening to commercial-filled Top 40 radio at every single eat-on-the-run deli I stop at, and each night when I get back to my hotel, the cleaning person has lovingly left the radio on for me so that Maroon 5 or this Colbie Caillat person can welcome me home from my long day. New Yorkers may have the fashion, but they certainly could use a music lesson or two from somebody, anybody, back home. How's that Carrie Rodriguez song go? "Get me back to Austin, oh damn I miss that town."

But I can't really dis too much on New York City. Being here brings back all kinds of cherished memories of previous trips. But this trip might end up being the most memorable yet. And now, after all these hours and dollars spent shopping, I've got a killer wardrobe to prove it.

Tomorrow is hair and makeup. I met Nick, the hair stylist, for a quick consultation today, but I have no idea what he's got planned. I guess there are surprises in store for all of us!

"What Not to Wear" shopping spree

I just spent $4,000 in 12 hours on what I hope will be the majority of an all new wardrobe. We went uptown; we went downtown. We shopped high end and low end (hello, my trusty friend, H&M). I spent way too much on jeans and shoes and have the blisters to prove it. I found cute things, sexy things and professional things. Vintage and cutting edge. Bright colors, neutrals and everything in between. High heels and flats. Casual and elegant. Jewelry and camisoles.

But that's all I'm going to tell you. I finally understood the surprise element today. That I'm going to come home on Friday and show off this "new me" (don't worry, they haven't changed the real me, just what I look like on the outside), and to tell you all every detail of it would ruin the inherent shock of before and after.

I wish I could reveal more about what exactly I bought! Let's just say there are lots of adorable outfits that, in due time, you'll get to see. I will say that it is a little hard keeping my life in Austin in mind when I'm here. The heat. The child. The relaxed dress code. Standing for hours to watch a band. I think the crew and hosts forget that things like grocery shopping and laundry have to be done in these clothes, too. And did I say the heat already?

Stay tuned to The Goods and you'll probably get to see more than you'll see in the entire episode of "What Not to Wear" when it actually airs sometime in March. (That's one thing that I've learned about television. They will probably shoot 100 hours of footage to make an hour of "reality" TV. If I buy 100 pieces of clothing here, you'll only see 10.)

No Stacy and Clinton today. Just a really sweet set of crew members whose job it is to help me feel better about myself. Not that thought I really needed help in that area, but they're showing me what potential I really do have. How to show off The Goods, ya know?

Alas, I cannot leave you without a photo of at least one thing I've purchased on my trip. One item of clothing Stacy and Clinton really hated was my worn-to-pieces jean jacket. They might have thrown my jean jacket away, but I found the perfect present for the kiddo, because, no matter what "they" say, you know it's never too early for something so undeniably, unequivocally cool.

In the "What Not to Wear" studios

What a day. Not nearly what the next two days of shopping for "What Not to Wear" will be, I'm sure, but it was tiring nonetheless. Sandra, my production assistant, aka my shopping buddy and general helper, picked me up around 10, and we went directly to a bra fitting uptown. (Of course, we had to stop for a bagel at an Upper East Side bakery, crammed with mommies and nannies pushing the most expensive strollers I've ever seen. Julian and I, with our Moby wrap, would have stuck out like, well, a crunchy hippie in Manhattan.)

I wasn't too nervous about the bra fitting. (Seriously, if childbirth doesn't completely wipe away all your modesty, nursing will.) But the "fitting specialist" who helped me could have been a little sweeter about the whole ordeal. I've heard that something like 85 percent of women wear the wrong bra size, and I was without a doubt one of them. But I didn't exactly realize how much a well-fitted bra could do for a girl! But it comes at a price. I have $5,000 to spend this week, and my first $170 went to two, yes TWO, bras, not counting the $200 one the saleswoman was really pushing. $200 on a bra? Not in this lifetime, even if I do have five grand in my pocket.



Then it was off to the studio. The 360-degree mirror took up a lot of the day. It's this box they've rigged with mirrors on all sides. They put you in three outfits from your old wardrobe that represent the different areas of your life: work, play, casual. It's the part I was supposed to dread, and all day they were asking me on camera how I felt about the 360-degree mirror. "Fine," I kept saying, but they kept pushing. I think even the crew would admit that the "reality" of the show is definitely pushed. I never lied and said I hated being in the mirror; the closest I could come was that it was embarrassing to really see how poorly my clothes fit. The outfits really are hideous, but I'm not the type of person to really care that much about physical appearance, so I didn't get too worked up. No tears, no drama. I'm sure the producers were a little disappointed. Let's just hope they don't kick me off the show if I don't cry by the end.

Hosts Stacy London and Clinton Kelly were with me during the 360, and they said some pretty harsh things ("It looks like you've been rolling around in dirt!" "You could still be pregnant in that shirt!"), but it was actually really fun to spend some more time with them. They're super nice, really witty, somewhat interested in my personal life. I think the most enjoyable parts of my day were when the crew was making adjustments to the lighting or cameras, and Clinton and I or Stacy and I could just talk about things other than fashion. Then, suddenly, they lost their domineering, teacher-student complexes. We talked movies and magazines, babies and boyfriends. I was disappointed that my one-on-one time with them felt so rushed. We always just had 30 seconds there and 30 seconds there.

Anyway, then came "The Rules" section. They showed some really cute outfits on mannequins that are supposed to help me shop tomorrow and Wednesday. I was ready just to pull the clothes off the models, they were so adorable. They definitely gave me some ideas for later...

They say I'm supposed to spend half my money tomorrow, which seems completely insane, but it has been done many a time before. In fact, I got to meet one of the other Austin "contributers" today, Danielle Solan. It's such a small world; she's the choir teacher of one of the kids of a business writer at the Statesman. Who woulda thought? She looked incredible, and she's back in Austin for her big "reveal" Tuesday.

If I'm tired tonight, I can't imagine what it'll be like tomorrow...

What Not to Wear: Day 1

I made it to New York! A relatively easy flight, complete with a crying baby to remind me of my own little sweet one still sleeping at home. The "What Not to Wear" shoot officially begins tomorrow, but they flew me in a day early to spend some time strolling around, hopefully not embarrassing myself too much in my What-Not-to-Wear best.

But back on the plane, between naps, I caught a little of former Queer Eye for the Straight Guy Carson Kressley’s How to Look Good Naked, another one of the fashion makeover reality shows out on cable right now. Same idea as "What Not to Wear," but a little more focused on the goal of accepting your body image. I’m a little bit of a sap sometimes, and I found myself tearing up a little when this week’s contestant looks at herself in the mirror and can hardly speak the critical words to describe her body and then again, at the end, when Carson projects a three-story image of her tastefully shot nude photos, and she asks people on the street what they think. Of course, they can’t say enough about how incredible she looks, (because she does!). Stop hating your body, is his theme. On "What Not to Wear," Stacy and Clinton only seem to touch here and there on body image. The rest of it is focused on just the new digs, thus the "Shut up!, I love that skirt!!" a hundred times an episode.

I couldn’t help but think about my own week of intense body image and fashion scrutiny that awaits me. Will it be as emotional for me as it was for Carson’s girl? Will I face the 360 mirror and break down into tears? I don’t think of my body nearly as critically as I have in the past few years. I wish I could say that I had some magical moment of self acceptance, but a lot of it has to do with weight loss. They don’t make you strip to a bra and underwear on "What Not to Wear" (or at least I don’t think they will!), but I’m sure any woman standing in front of a mirror, nearly naked, no matter her size, would have areas she’s rather hide than bare to millions of viewers.

Talk about guts. This "How to Look Good Naked" show takes "What Not to Wear" up a notch, I think, but with greater gains. I have no clue how life-changing this week will be. My expectation is that it will be fun and memorable, but I’m wondering if good old Stacy and Clinton will do as good as job as Carson Kressley appears to in this show at getting to what’s really going on inside a fashionably impaired woman. He spends much more time with the makeoveree than I’m expecting Stacy and Clinton to. I only saw them for a couple of hours over the two days with them in Austin. I know I'll meet with them tomorrow morning in the studio, but is all this effort really just to make a disposable, easily digestible television show? Or do they really, really care how I look when I get back to Austin and they continue on with their celebrity in the Big Apple? Oh, how cynical I sound, I know. I'm just going into this like any good journalist should. I'm hopeful, but I have my reservations.

So today, I didn't worry about my looks. I just enjoyed one of my favorite cities in the world, including a great new museum on Bowery, the New Museum of Contemporary Art, where I enjoyed a glass of wine in the posh seventh floor observation terrace, glancing toward downtown in my very fine, very comfortable, very plaid Target brand sneakers.

Getting The Goods on my New York trip

Here I am, wrapping up 8 hours at work, mentally preparing myself to get on a plane in less than 8 hours from now. I am so excited at the prospect of sleeping on a plane for the first time since Julian was born that I might even forgo a pre-flight coffee. Might.

From here on out this week, posts regarding What Not to Wear and New York in general will be posted on The Goods, Marques Harper's fashion blog on statesman.com/thegoods. You can keep coming to this page and clicking the above photo or the links in this text to get there if you so desire.

I'm going to try to post a couple of times a day, so check back often!

Wish me luck!

Oh, and don't be shy about leaving me comments on that blog. The more comments you leave, the more the people who are letting me take this and run will think I actually know what I'm doing. :)

Do I really look that bad?

Never in my life did I think reality TV would be on my list o' life experiences. But, thanks to my adoring fiance (and hordes of caring friends and family who's also helped along the way), I'm going to be on What Not to Wear!

It still doesn't even seem real. Last night. How it all went down. Stacy London and Clinton Kelly practically jumping me at a Velvet Brick show at the Red Eye Fly downtown. What seemed like a dozen cameras. A lighting crew. A (fake) $5,000 Bank of America debit card with my name printed on it. And dozens of familiar faces – you sneaky bunch – filling the crowd.

Apparently this has all been in the works since last February when, as I sat on the couch recovering from the C-section and both of us adjusting to a brand new Julianito, Ian and Corey thought it would be a kind gesture (and shot in the dark) to nominate me for this fashion makeover reality TV show on TLC. Now, I've watched my fair share of What Not to Wear and always take mental notes as I watch the hosts purge an unsuspected duckling's closet and, by the end, reveal a sharper dressed, better presented and more confident swan.

I think we all know the weak spots or challenges in how we present ourselves. Weight, skin tone, acne. Unruly curly hair, an unhealthy addiction to Target, perhaps. I'm a sucker for sentimentality, too. Those shorts of my dad's that I stole when I graduated from high school kept me horribly out of fashion (on both sides of the Atlantic) for years. But they were his. And they went with me on all those adventures. Who cares if they have holes in the crotch and the drawstring is about to snap? How could I betray something so comforting to both my body and my soul? I can't be the only person who feels this way about tangible items. Do all pack rats feel this way? Is it a Cancer thing?

So I better get ready to say goodbye to those shorts. And the 3-sizes-too-big pants I've doodled all over that I bought with Australian Russ my freshman year of college. And my so-called motorcycle jacket that I bought in Spain and that (barely) kept me warm during those winter travels to England and Italy. And my dad's (stained) Padres baseball shirt that he worn when I was a baby. Oh and my embarrassingly ugly yet incredibly comfortable collection of slip-on shoes.

I'm headed to New York at the end of the month. That's pretty much all I know for now. I'll keep you posted.

Thank you all for helping bring this awesome opportunity my way. I owe you big time.

Thanks, Paige, for the photos!